


Where'd You Go? (I Can't Find You In The Body Sleeping Next To Me)

by yu_gonplei (NoxWrites)



Category: The 100
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Smut, finn Collins is a dick, im sorry but it's true, lexa gets heartbroken, octavia and Raven are so cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-24
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-16 01:39:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5808316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoxWrites/pseuds/yu_gonplei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke and Lexa have been married for a year and Clarke's career has just taken off but when they are on their way home to prepare for dinner a semi truck slams into their car. Clarke looses all memory except of her boyfriend of two years, Finn Collins. </p><p>Lexa is heartbroken, Octaven try to help, Finn is trying to salvage his relationship with Clarke.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Where are you now?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a monster and I know it. Have a great day. 
> 
> Title from Ghosts by Halsey.

“Mmm Clarke! Clarke God.” Lexa’s soft moans filled the room. Her hand scraping the scalp of a blonde. Her back arched and hips thrusting in motion with the blonde’s tongue. Riding out an orgasm as Clarke was relentless. Her hips finally hit the bed and her back came down. Lexa’s pupils were blown wide and she could no longer feel her legs.

Clarke came up from Lexa's thighs and placed her legs on the side of the brunette’s legs. She bent down and kissed at Lexa’s collar bone. Her teeth grazing at the pulse point before Lexa’s chin grabbed her wife’s chin and pulled Clarke to look up. Both girls smirked before Clarke pressed her lips to Lexa’s forehead, down her nose and back onto her lip.

_Beep. Beep beep beep. Beep._

“Fuck.” Clarke groaned before she got up off of Lexa and reached the dresser on the left side of the bed. Lexa turned on her side, propped her head up with her palm and pulled the blankets over her. The loss of contact made her body shiver.

Clarke sat back down on the bed, her back to Lexa’s stomach and tucked her legs underneath herself. Lexa sat up a bit more and placed a trail of kisses on Clarke’s shoulder bone to her neck.

_**Octavia [12:05]:** Clarke, Raven may or may not have put a hole in the gallery while trying to hang a painting._

“Come on, it’s only 12:00 Reyes. I’m so sorry Lex, but Raven has already broken something and I need to go supervise those two idiots.” She kissed Lexa on the head and walked to the closet to get clothes on.

“It’s okay. You know since it is technically your day off, so when you get back we could all go out for dinner? Like a triple date?” Lexa sat up fully and stretched her back before standing and starting a search for clothes in the closet with Clarke.

“Okay. As much as I love Octavia, Raven, Bellamy and Echo. Do I really want to spend a dinner with all four of them when you and I can have a date night?” Clarke pulled on a white tank top and a black button up.

“Yes because we haven't had a dinner with friends in a year.” Lexa chuckled before helping Clarke with her scarf. She then saw to her own outfit, putting on an old white Henley shirt and black jeans. Clarke was struggling with her skinny jeans, again. Lexa came from behind and helped pull the jeans up to the blonde’s waist, planting a kiss to her cheek before tying on her own white high tops.

“We had a dinner with them on the 16th.” Clarke added before going to the restroom and brushing her teeth.

“Clarke.” Lexa said finally. Clarke raised her hands in surrender. “Good. Now hurry up and let’s go.”

—

Clarke fixed the hole in the wall with help from Raven and Lexa spoke with Octavia about a dinner. Octavia agreed to drag Raven along and tell her brother. Raven continued working around the gallery as the three girls drank some wine and chatter. All women left at about 4:30 to change for the dinner, Octavia insisted they went home because ‘Jeans and a t-shirt covered in plaster and paint is not appropriate to a formal dinner’ but before Raven could argue they all were out of the gallery heading home.

Lexa stared at her phone as Clarke pulled their old 1960 Ford Mustang convertible out of the parking space and onto the street to go home. “Octavia says Bellamy is going to be late, Echo and him are looking at apartments around DC.”

Clarke laughed which made Lexa raise an eyebrow and glance at her.

“Sorry it’s just they have been together for what? 3 years now? I was almost certain Bellamy could not hold a relationship.” At that Lexa let out a chuckle also.

“Well. I think Bellamy’s doing a great job at being ‘boyfriend material’.” Lexa dead panned the last two words and Clarke snorted. Her eyes went wide before breaking into a fit of laughter.

“We never speak of this again.”

“Of course baby. Anything for—

The impact was sudden. Glass scattered everywhere and the mustang fell onto its side before flipping all the way over. Lexa’s head smashed against the dashboard and then back against the seat. Her skin stung as the seatbelt rubbed across her neck and throat. Clarke hit her head multiple times against the steering wheel and then the window and finally the back of her seat. The last thing Clarke saw was Lexa with blood dripping from her temple and forehead. That was before everything went dark.

—

“Bell! Echo! Hey how are you?” Octavia stood from their table to hug her brother and Echo. Raven stood and hugged the couple.

“Good. We’re good. Where is Clarke and Lexa?” Echo peered around, she hadn’t seen the red mustang in the parking lot only Raven’s Jeep.

“I don’t know actually they were suppose to be here first? I’m going to go call them.” Octavia walked just outside of restaurant before Raven spoke. “You guys find an apartment yet?”

“Actually we did. It’s about five blocks from yours. Thought it would be fun. Like when we were back in college all within walking distance.” Echo sounded so happy and grasped Bellamy’s hand.

“That’s amazing! Clarke and Lexa will be so ha—“

“Raven!!” Octavia barged into the restaurant screaming at the top of her lungs. “Clarke. Lexa. Car.” Her breathing was erratic. She took a breath before speaking again. “Clarke and Lexa are in the hospital. A big rig slammed into them because the dumbass was looking at his phone. We need to go now!”

 


	2. Miss the sound of your heart beating next to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn comes to Clarke's side. Lexa cries some more. Raven's threatening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare for angst. I decided it will most likely be 8 chapters. So I hope you all buckle up. 
> 
> Title from Sound of Your Heart by Shawn Hook.  
> For updates on Where'd you go?'s progress you can find me on tumblr @ thecowardsway.

Her eyes flickered slowly. The bright light stinging and causing her head to rattle in the skull. Clarke closed them immediately and counted to five before re-opening her eyes. The light wasn't as bright but her head still felt like someone was hammering a nail into it. Her hand gripped the sheets as she tried to figure where she was. White bed sheets, horribly patterned chairs, hums and beeps of machines and the smell of disinfectant. _Hospital, definitely a hospital._ Now her goal was to find out why she was in a hospital. She looked to her arms, IV plugs and a heart monitor. The only thing wrong with that is the hand which was gripping the side of her hospital bed. A tall brunette with stitches on her right temple and over her eyebrow was located in one of those horribly patterned chairs. Her hand fell limply on Clarke’s bed, okay now she’s confused.

Her elbows propped herself up and in doing so, knocked the brunette’s hand and she woke. Clarke stared as the brunette checked her surroundings and finally placed her green eyes on Clarke. The same green Clarke loves to use in her paintings. She looked quite attractive but Clarke wasn’t single. She looked away quickly as the brunette got up and called for a nurse.

“Ms. Griffin. I’m Nora do you remember why you’re here?” A doctor came in and stood at the foot of her bed.

Clarke shook her head. “Is my mom here? Is Finn here?”

The brunette behind the doctor had a look of horror drop over her. The doctor continued. “Okay. Ms. Griffin. Your mom has been contacted. I’m not sure about Finn but after a few questions we can call him.” Clarke nodded.

“Can you tell us the last thing you remember?”

“I was on my way to Finn’s for dinner. He planned it for our 2 year anniversary. I was going to tell him I got accepted into Polis University.” Clarke closed her eyes as she tried to recall her memories.

“Okay. Ms. Griffin we are going to go outside and call your mom again to see how long she will be. Is that okay?” Clarke nodded her head and the doctor and brunette left, Clarke saw the tears on the brunette’s face before she left and was now more than confused.

—

“She doesn’t remembers the last 7 years!” Lexa exclaimed as she left Clarke’s room. Twisting her ring with her right hand as she does when she’s nervous.

“The damage was extensive. We are lucky she remembers anything that recent. Ms. Woods it will take some time but she should see a fully recovery of her memories.” The doctor nodded and left to go call Abby once more. Lexa sat outside Clarke's room with her head in her hands. She only looked up as she heard shouts and feet stomping. Octavia and the group were arguing with Nora about being allowed access.

“Octavia?” Octavia gave a look at the doctor before pushing her way to Lexa and enveloping her in a hug. Lexa put her head into the crook of Octavia’s neck and let out a sob.

“Shh. It’s okay. What is the last thing Clarke remembers?” Octavia pulls Lexa’s head up and gives her a half smile.

“Finn. The last thing she remembers is Finn.” Lexa almost breaks down when she admits it. Raven freezes. Her jaw clenched.

“Okay. Okay. What are they going to do?” Raven asks, swallowing hard.

“They are going to call her mom. Which is an awful decision. Then they are going to call Finn. Which is an even worse decision.” Lexa pauses and is about to pass out but Lexa catches her the girls sit down. Their friends have taken seats or have gone in to talk to Clarke. “She looked at me Octavia. She looked at me like I was a complete stranger.” Lexa put her head on Octavia’s shoulder in defeat and began to cry as quiet as she could. It had taken Clarke a year to show Lexa it was okay to show emotions in front of her. Another year for Lexa to feel comfortable in front of Octavia, Raven and the others before letting them see emotions. And now she was gone.

—

_Clarke settled into her car and drove the 10 minute drive to Finn’s house. She couldn’t wait to tell him how Polis university, the art college of the East coast, had accepted her. She hoped Finn had gotten into Trigeda, it was only an hour away and they could see each other on the weekends._

_By the time Clarke had thought through all the possibilities of their future she had gotten to Finn’s house. She got out, fixed her dress and pulled the small box containing a gift out of the passenger seat. The large two story house had a garden out in front that was along the small path leading to the front door. The stucco outer walls were a mahogany color which matched the mahogany front door which Clarke had approached and was now softly knocking on._

_“Mr. Collins, I, um, I was supposed to meet Finn here. Is he home?” Clarke looked up towards Finn’s dad and gave a weak smile before he just opened the door and let her walk in. “Thank you.”_

_She took her shoes of first before walking up the stairs towards Finn’s bedroom. She heard something fall over and a small scream before she reached Finn’s room. He was probably finishing a game of FIFA online with Bellamy. She opened the door slowly, “Finn are you… What the fuck are you doing!” It wasn’t a question it was a scream._

_Finn rolled over, revealing the brunette beneath him who was now mortified and pulled a blanket on top of her._

_“Babe it’s not what it looks like.” Finn pleaded but Clarke was already starting to go down the stairs. “Babe wait!”_

_Clarke was happy the door was still open so she could leave faster. The tears began to stream down her cheeks as she picks up the heels on the base of the floor. She was out the door as Finn was racing down the stairs._

_“Babe! Clarke. Let’s talk.”_

_She opened her car door before turning around and throwing the box at him._

_“Finn Collins we are done. How long was this going on huh? Fuck. I was so stupid.”_

_“No Clarke..”_

_“HOW LONG!”_

_“6 months.” His voice was weak as he picked up the box._

_“6 Months! What the fuck is wrong with you Finn! You know I was thinking that because I was going to Polis, I could get me degree in arts and you and I could be happy somewhere. I was so stupid. I never want to see you again!”_

—

A shaggy brown haired man walked through the doors. His hair fell in his face and he was wearing a flannel shirt with tight jeans and boots. He talked to a doctor before approaching Clarke’s room and simultaneously, everyone stood in his way.

“Clarke needs me. So if you would all move please.” Finn glared at Lexa the whole time he spoke.

“No she needs Lexa. She does not need you nor will she ever need you.” Raven almost spat in his face before Octavia grasped her hand.

“That’s not your decision. How about I go in with you two and we will see who she wants.” Finn crossed his arms and glared at Raven this time.

Octavia pulled Raven over and walked into the room with Lexa and Finn. “It’s okay. Raven it's okay.” She kissed her girlfriends head before closing the door.

—

Clarke sat up a little higher when Finn came in. She had a smile on her face and almost tried to stand up.

“No, no babe it's okay sit back down.” He tried to sound so innocent as he sat next to Clarke. “Clarke. Hey princess what happened? Are you okay.”

She nodded her head and smiled as he grabbed her hand. “I’m okay, apparently a car accident.” She looked at his wrist. “You got the watch. I’m glad you like it.”

“Of course I love it. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Octavia coughed interrupting the two. Her arms crossed and Lexa stood in front of her. Lexa sat on Clarke’s right side and smiled while on the verge of tears.

“Clarke do you remember who this is?” Octavia asked as she sat on the foot of the bed.

“Yeah,” Lexa lit up “you are the brunette who was watching me. Do we know each other?” Lexa went back into sadness as Octavia grasped her hand. “Are you going out with Octavia? Congrats!”

“No. No. Clarke I’m not seeing Octavia.” Lexa stood and turned before the tears fell and left the room.

“Did I upset her? Who is she?”

Octavia gave Finn a look that told him to keep his mouth shut. “She’s your, um. Neighbor. I’ll be right back.” Octavia got up and left and Clarke still had more questions than answers.

“You okay babe?” Finn ran his thumb over her knuckles.

“Yeah. Just confused. But you are here so I’ll be fine.” Finn stood and bent over, kissing Clarke slowly and passionately.

“Okay Princess. I’m going to go see when I can take you home.” Clarke nodded as she left and laid back down trying to piece together what just happened.

—

Finn closed the door and turned around. Lexa was the first person in front of him. Her fist connected with his jaw immediately and he fell to the floor grasping his jaw.

“You kiss, touch or look at my wife again and I will kill you.” Lexa growled before turning to Octavia who hugged her again.

Raven let Finn stand up before connecting her hand with his jaw. “You scumbag. You think you can be out of Clarke’s life and now that she is happy but has a vulnerable moment you can swoop in. No. You heard Lexa. If you come near her again I will let Lexa kill you and then have Abby bring you back before I kill you again.” Raven walked to Octavia and rubbed Lexa’s back.

“Doctor said who makes her the most comfortable should be with her until the memories come back or she may feel to pressured and suppress her memories. I’m trying to make her happy. If I happen to get my girlfriend back then that's just what happens.” Finn rubbed his jaw before walking to find the doctor.

“I’m going to kill him.” Raven let out a sigh before Octavia let go of Lexa to hug her girlfriend.

Lexa let out a sob before sitting down. She was going to lose Clarke. She was going to lose her and there was nothing she could do.

Raven sat next to Lexa and rubbed her back. “He’s an asshole. But Clarke will remember everything and be back with you in no time.” Lexa let out a sob and Raven sighed, not knowing what to do.

“Raven lets um. Go see if your doctor is here maybe he can take a look at the locked pin in the brace. Lexa could use the space.” Octavia reached out her hand for her girlfriend. They walked down the hall together, Lexa could see Bellamy out of the corner of her eye arguing with Finn, Echo holding him back and Finn smirking.

She stood and leaned against Clarke’s closed door. Looking in the window at blonde who was slowly falling asleep.

She sighed pulling her ring off and placing it in her pocket. If she were to be Clarke’s ‘neighbor’ she couldn't be having a wedding ring. She would stay at Octavia’s for the night and figure it from there. She pushed off the door and walked out of the hospital. “May we meet again .”


	3. I got that fire in my soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke feels awkward. Lexa is missing Clarke. The truth comes out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all the support. I recently changed my tumblr so if you want to talk to me about anything I'm @ thecowardsway on tumblr. 
> 
> Title from Me, Myself, and I by G-Eazy   
> Have a great day. — Bry :)

The knock on the door made her eyes wander from the empty bed to the door. Lexa watched as two brunette's walked in, one taller in length and another shorter. She turned back towards the bed and crossed her legs under her lap.

“Okay we need to get you out of the house. Why do you look like shit?” Raven knelt down in front of Lexa as she stared at the bed.

“It feels empty. I can't sleep and when I do I have nightmares. Finn could be doing anything and I can't help her.” Lexa sighed and placed her head in her hands.

“Finn took her to Abby’s. They haven't said anything other than that. Octavia and I are going to go see her tomorrow if you want to come with?” Rave took Octavia’s hand in hers as Octavia leaned down next to Lexa.

“I don't know.”

“No. You are coming. Her mom is probably corrupting her or something. Probably talking her to go into med school.” Octavia argued, standing up and huffing out her frustration.

Lexa nodded, standing to get food but before she left she gave a hug to Octavia and Raven. They were originally Clarke’s friends and Lexa was only comfortable hanging out with them during the time Lincoln and Octavia were dating. After they broke up Lexa had grown close to her and when she started dating Raven it wasn’t uncomfortable between the three of them. They became strong friends and it was all thanks to Clarke.

—

Finn opened the door, wheeling Clarke into Abby’s house. He had told her how her mom couldn't get in town until the night after Clarke was able to leave. She was so happy she could be with him again. For some reason it felt like she hadn't seen him in years.

She came into the house and it was… different. She felt out of place. It was so pristine. Her dad’s tools were no where to be seen. Her mom is hardly around to clean so why would her dad clean up?

She took the chance of being inside to stand up on her own. Her feet hurt and her ribs hurt even worse. She gripped her side and Finn was looking at her from behind. He had no clue how to handle her. He was trying honestly but he hadn't been in this type of situation with Clarke.

Clarke looked around for a few moments before turning back towards Finn and smiling, she wanted his help but he looked uncomfortable. She felt even more uncomfortable at the fact he wasn't trying. Her mind trailed off until she heard footsteps on the tile floor in the hallway. Her mom came around. In her suit and heels still, she looked at Clarke and a sigh came out.

“Clarke, oh my, thank you Finn so much.” Abby came up and placed a kiss on her forehead and then turned to hug Finn.

“Thanks mom. Um, where’s dad?” Clarke felt a little light headed so she sat back down in her wheelchair. Maybe try walking a little later.

“Um. I think he had a conference so he won't be home for a couple days.” Abby’s voice cracked a little bit and Clarke saw that she never made eye contact, she was lying.

“Sure, so I'm going to have Finn wheel me upstairs and I’ll go take a nap.” Clarke smiled and Finn did as she said her mom was left in the living room. Not speaking just staring.

—

_She woke up to the sounds of arguing down stairs. Her head hurt from the night before. A bit too many drinks running in her system. She sat up and took the moment to let her head settle down before listening to the yelling._

_“She wants to go to Polis, Abby. She wants to be an artist. Let her!” Her dad sounded frustrated and then she remembered what she came home to last night. Her parents having the same argument they have been having for two months now._

_“Jake, she has the opportunity of a life time to go and become a doctor at Trigeda!” Abby yelled back at her husband._

_“Do you really think our daughter wants to go to the same school as her ex-boyfriend? A boyfriend who was lying to her for six months? Have you even thought about what she wants, have you?”_

_“I think about what she wants everyday. But I also think about what she can actually make a living off of. And art? She won't be happy.”_

_“She won't be happy? Or you won't because she is not the doctor you want her to be? Is it so embarrassing to have an artist as a senators daughter?” He sighed and lowered his tone._

_Clarke stood from her bed and made her way to sit down on the stairs. Continuing to listen with tears starting to make her eyes glossy._

_“She is not embarrassing I just do not want our little girl wasting her talent on—“_

_“Abby!” Jake raised his voice which Clarke never thought he did, she was wrong. “She is not a little girl. She is 18 god damnit. Her ‘talent’ will be used on art. Which means she won't be wasting it. Let her succeed in the place she wants to.”_

_“No. End of discussion. She is going to Trigeda. Do you know how hard an acceptance there is to get? 5 percent of all applications are accepted.” Abby stuck her feet in the ground, not letting her position change or her decision waver._

_“You can't baby her. If you continue to do so I don't think I can stand by and support you.”_

_“Jake, don't say that. Stop using that excuse.”_

_“It's no longer an excuse Abby. I'm tired of being the husband you don't want. I can't talk about my work at the dinner table or in general because it is ‘too complicated or unimportant’. I can't go to your fancy dinner with friends and feel welcomed because I'm not a politician or have a politicians education. I’m sorry. I’ll go stay at a hotel downtown and it will be Clarke’s decision where she goes.”_

_“With you. And to Polis” Clarke came down the stairs with a duffel bag and her back pack. The tears had fallen onto her cheek and wetted her shirt but she straightened her spine and took her dads side. Jake nodded and Clarke went outside to the car. She could only here her mom yelling at Jake the usually ‘How dare you take her, does my opinion not matter’ and other motherly nonsense._

_She wiped her tears and settled into the passenger seat of her dads old pickup. Looking back at the house one last time when Jake sat inside the drivers seat, taking his daughters hand in his._

_“It’ll be okay.”_

—

Clarke woke up with tears streaming down her face. The nightmare she just had was still fresh in her mind. She turned when she felt a warm arm over her stomach. Finn’s arm had wrapped over her waist. She skillet moved out from his and sat in her wheelchair. Her mom had made her sleep downstairs so she couldn't injure herself with the stairs in the morning.

She rolled herself into the living room, thinking more about her dream than eating.

Abby walked through the door a moment later and she looked absolutely frustrated.

“Mom is everything okay?” Clarke turned around and raised an eyebrow.

“Oh yeah fine.” She started to make breakfast in the other room.

A knock at the door stopped her and she dropped the pan with force. Clarke wheeled to the door and opened it to be shocked by her two best friends and apparent neighbor.

“Octavia! Raven! And um… Alex? No sorry Lexa.” She moved so they could both enter the house.

“Hi Clarke. Um. We were wondering if you wanted to go for breakfast and then to the mall?” Raven twisted her hand with Octavia’s and Lexa stood uncertain behind them.

“Um yeah su—“

“Clarke Griffin move away from the door.” Abby came into the living room.

“Mom?”

“I told you girls Clarke needed more time to herself to recuperate.”

“With all do respect Abby,” Lexa spoke up and Abby glared at her.

“No. Alexandria Woods you have no right.”

“She has the only right.” Octavia glared back at Abby.

“I’ll go grab my coat.” Clarke wheeled herself into her room as the four women argued more.

—

They went out to Murphy’s Breakfast and then saw Star Wars The Force Awakens. She felt odd because the whole time she was drawn to Lexa. She seemed uncomfortable at Abby’s house but as soon as she left her whole defense dropped. She was relaxed and made quick jokes and conversation with the others. Clarke sat next to Lexa at the movies and felt the urge to just lay her head on her shoulder and she did. It felt good. Better than good it felt like it was something she had been doing for years.

They stopped at a park before lunch and all the girls took a seat on the swing sets that faced each other.

“So how is being with Abby and Finn?” Lexa was first to talk as they pulled snacks out of the bag in the middle.

“It’s interesting.” Clarke paused before continuing. To be honest it felt off. It felt like she was a ghost in her own home. Nothing was what she remembered it to be. “It’s just weird. My mom never has the time to clean and my dad never wants to clean. But none of his tools are out. He might have taken them to the conference he is at.”

“Wait, conference?” All the brunette's spoke at once and stared at Clarke.

“Um. Yeah. The one he is at for the next couple of days.” She shrugged it off and ate some chips.

“Clarke your dad doesn't have a conference.” Raven swallowed hard and her tone lowered. Something was wrong.

“Yeah I assumed. My mom has these tells when she is lying. Do you know where he is?” Clarke are a chip and then Lexa took her hand and the girls all stood returning to the car. Lexa’s thumb absentmindedly rubbed itself over Clarke’s knuckles, skipping the exact spot between her index and middle finger that made her tickle because of an old cut. She had never told anyone about it. Finn never ran his thumb over the knuckles so she didn't need to. Lexa seemed to realize the situation because she put her hand in her lap. Clarke put her hand out for Lexa to take, it felt comforting.

They pulled up to a large marble building and Clarke was busy feeling Lexa's warmth before she could read the buildings name. They walked in and took a turn down the first hallway. A few more before they stopped and Clarke’s heart broke. In a marble coffin that was slid in the wall with gold plated letters that read _Jake Griffin, Beloved Father, Son, and Brother._ All Clarke could focus on was the year. _2012_. Three years ago. He has been dead for three years ago and her mom didn't tell her. Finn didn't tell her.

She forgot to breathe, and when her first breathe came in it hit her like a truck. She stumbled back. Lexa caught her and she turned into her arms. She sobbed and sobbed. Lexa began striking her hair. Hushing her in her ear and holding her a little tighter.

“I’m right here. We are all here. You’re safe.” Lexa spoke to her only. So quiet that the others couldn't hear. It was the most soothing sound. She wished Finn would do this. Her sobbing stopped and she stood straight to wipe her tears.

“I had a nightmare last night. My parents were arguing about what college to go to. My dad said they were getting a divorce and I was going to Polis unless I wanted to change. Was that..was that a memory?” Clarke looked as a chorus of nods started. She sighed. “I need to go home. I want to stay at my house. I don't want to be anywhere near my mom.” The girls nodded again and they walked to the car, Lexa took Clarke’s hand again and it was the most helpful thing she could do at the moment.

—

“Clarke what do you think your doing?” Abby crossed her arms as her daughter was walking around even though it hurt to much.

“You lied! Dad is dead and you two are divorce! The house isn't clean because he is at a conference it's because he kept all of his things! That's why the house feels so fucking empty!” She stormed into the downstairs room and picked up her belongings.

“Where do you think your going?”

“You don't even try to defend yourself! You know you lied! What is wrong with you!”

“You didn’t answer me.”

“Home mom. I'm going home. I’ll call Finn. He’ll figure it out. Don't try to make him bring me back here. I’m done with you. What is your problem?” She huffed to the front door and right on time she heard Raven’s Jeep pull up. Lexa hopped out and Clarke hugged her.

“This is your doing isn't it?” Abby glared at Lexa and almost growled.

“Why do you hate her? She has done nothing to you?”

“Clarke let’s go.” Lexa’s tone was calm and she was very quiet. She put an arm on Clarke’s shoulder and walked her to the jeep.

They drove and when the house was behind them Clarke let out a sob and right on queue Lexa opened her hand for Clarke. She put her knees to her chest and her left hand in Lexa’s. They drove in silence to the housing complex. 


	4. I want her magic touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breakfast, tattoos, scary movies and the gallery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is really fucking long my bad. But I love this chapter with all my monstrous heart. 
> 
> Title from Girl Crush by Little Big Town
> 
> Have a great day — thecowardsway at tumblr

Clarke fell asleep halfway to the apartment complex. Her head tucked between her knees, hand still locked with Lexa’s and a light snore emitting from her. Lexa pulled into Raven’s spot in between to Octavia’s motorcycle and Clarke’s pick-up truck, she got out and had to softly close the door in fear of waking Clarke up. She opened the passenger seat and put an arm out anticipating Clarke's body weight making her fall over, and sure enough Clarke slid right into Lexa. The blonde shifted momentarily as Lexa scooped under her knees and Lexa thought she would wake up. She paused, Clarke settled into sleep again and Lexa removed her fully from the car the door closed with a push from her feet and then she was on her way to the third floor.

She almost tripped on the second floor but kept going, Clarke barely noticing. Her arms were becoming sore but she forgot about it as soon as Clarke's forehead found its normal spot in the crook of Lexa's neck. The warmth making Lexa smile and almost cry, what if she never got this back? What if her Clarke never came back? What if the Clarke from before they dated came back? The shell of the girl she knows.

Lexa sighed before knocking her forehead against apartment 3F. Raven opened it, only in pj bottoms and an unbuttoned flannel.

“Ever heard of a bra Reyes?” Lexa mocked before Raven opened up 3G.

“Ha ha. Very funny but we all know no one except us is awake in this bloody complex.” She opened the door and pulled the backpack off of Lexa’s arm gently before opening the bedroom door.

Lexa set Clarke on the bed and pulled the blanket over her, the blonde’s hands began grasping for something that wasn’t there. Lexa pulled her shirt over her head and handed it to the blonde who instinctively grasped and curled up with it. Raven gave her a questioning look as they left the bedroom.

“When I’m not home until late at night I always see her asleep with one of my shirts. She finds it comforting. Helps her sleep better.” Lexa huffed out the last sentence before entering the living room. Raven buttoned up her shirt and began making coffee in the kitchen. “Don’t you have your own coffee maker Reyes?”

“Yes but you are here, Octavia is with Bell and Echo helping them unpack and my best friend can’t remember her wife. I think my services are needed here more.” She smiled from the kitchen island. Lexa nodded before plopping down on the couch.

“Sweetener please.” Lexa smiled when Raven went back into the kitchen for some and came back to sit down with Lexa. “You know, the first time we went to a coffee shop, Clarke and I, they only had powder sweetener instead of cream and I lost it. Clarke thought I was crazy. But then I explained how it tastes entirely different. Of course she didn't believe me so I went to the store the next day, went to her place early made her two cups of the same coffee. One with powder. One with cream. She thought I just made two cups. I didn't tell her. She wondered why one tasted better. And I just smiled. She never bought powder after that.” Half way into the story Lexa must have started crying because Raven was wiping her cheek.

“She will come back Lexa. She’s a tough one. Remember when Murphy was at the Senior party with Emori and was trying to show off? Challenged Clarke to drunk darts? She dropped the dart on her foot. Said it barely hurt but when the doctor looked at it, the dart hit a vein and was spewing everywhere. She just fucking laughed. Who does that?” Raven almost started to cry but caught herself and forced a choking chuckle.

The two of them went back and forth, remembering old adventures and planning new ones. They talked for hours, Octavia eventually came home and joined in. The girls fell asleep on the couch. Lexa on her and Clarke's corner and Raven and Octavia on their. The spots from an old movie night feud when they first moved in across from each other.

—

Clarke woke up at six o’clock on the dime. She groaned when she checked the time. Confused why her internal clock was so early. She pushed her elbows up to support her self. Wiping the tiredness from her eyes and sitting up straight, stretching her arms. She doesn’t remember her dream which is odd for her but if she would have, she would have seen her first encounter with Lexa, their first kiss, their first date, and Lexa proposing. She shrugged off the thought before reaching around. The bed felt empty except for a grey shirt that laid to Clarke’s right. She grabbed it thinking it was hers but saw the sleeve on her shirt of her own shirt. _Okay? Odd._ She thought perhaps it was a shirt from a few days ago and she was too lazy to put it away. She picked it up and threw it instinctively to the left corner of the room, if she was paying attention she would have noticed how it landed perfectly in a blue laundry basket.

She walked down the short hallway skipping the tile that was always slippery for no reason other than to piss her off. She turned into the living room and smiled at the sight. Raven and Octavia, they curled up against each other. Octavia’s head on Raven’s stomach, her hand on the other girls brace – almost like she was guarding it – and Raven’s fingers in Octavia’s hair. She shuffled over to them, pulling the blanket from the chair next to them on top of the two.

The next thing she noticed or heard for that matter was a loud ‘Oh shit’ followed by the sound of fabric flapping. She walked towards the kitchen, finding Lexa furiously beating the smoke off of the frying pan. Chuckling to herself, Clarke leaned against the pillar which divided the kitchen from the living room with a small counter. Lexa sighed over the burnt food in the pan and Clarke coughed lightly to grab her attention.

“Oh hi!” Lexa spoke and her hands shifted, almost smacking the pans handle and knocking it to the floor. “Sorry. I don’t usually do the cooking.” The brunette chuckled to herself before wiping her forehead.

“I can tell. Who does the cooking then?” Clarke inquired before sitting down on a bar stool by the island.

“Tuesdays through Fridays, that's all Octavia. Saturday through Sunday is all you.” She returned to her burnt food. “Bacon?”

Clarke couldn’t stop the laugh in her throat. “I think I would like to live past today so I’ll pass.”

“That would be your best course of action if you want to live at all.” She tossed the bacon in the trash can before tossing the pan back on the stove.

Clarke chuckled and moved to the fridge, grabbing a jug of milk and then looking for cereal.

“Oh I got it.” Lexa came behind Clarke, leaning up and grabbing the Rice Krispies from above the fridge. Clarke felt the heat rush to her face when she turned, Lexa’s shirt riding up just below her bra revealing A series of floral tattoos. She sucked in a breathe and then Lexa came down to normal height again and she almost forgot to exhale.

“A Globe Amaranth, a white clover and a yellow Zinnia?” Clarke questioned as she finally released her breathe. Lexa quirked an eyebrow. “Your, um, tattoo?”

“Oh yes. Eternal love, ‘think of me’ and daily remembrance.” Lexa nodded after the translation of the three flowers.

“I know.” Clarke said quietly thinking of the tattoo and Lexa’s proximity. Neither girl moved. “Reason for each one?”

“Amaranth is for a girl, clover is for Raven, and Zinnia is for your dad. We each have flowers somewhere. Octavia thought each time something happens we should add to them, make a bouquet of memories.” Lexa smiled at the memory in their sophomore year of college.

“Ah.” Clarke finally slipped away from Lexa. Pouring the cereal. Hoping to God that her face was not as red as it felt.

“Do you remember where yours is?”

“Um” she tried to recall. Closing her eyes lightly then sighing in defeat. “No. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Lexa moved behind Clarke. Her fingers pulling the back of the girls shirt up a little bit. “Is this okay?”

Clarke nodded. Her breath stuck in her throat again. Lexa’s fingers ran down Clarke’s shoulder blade. Each touch ignited Clarke’s skin. She could feel Lexa’s fingers gently hover and sketch the outline of the three flowers. All the blonde could think of was how natural it felt. How she felt like she had been in this scenario before. Someone, maybe even Lexa, had traced her tattoo before. It felt familiar and she finally exhaled, it was more of a sigh of relief and relaxation.

Lexa felt the tension leave, a small smile playing on her lips. She finished the tattoo and then ran a finger down Clarke’s spine, feeling a small shiver. She had done this a thousand times to let Clarke escape from deadlines due to work. Then her fingers pressed into the small of her back and Clarke let out another sigh. The blonde turned around and she was a little startled. Lexa’s face was closer than anticipated. The heat of their breaths mingling in the air. She leaned in a little bit, feeling a natural pull at work.

“What smells like burning shit?” Raven stretched out before sitting on the counter top. Octavia settling between her legs facing Clarke and Lexa.

Clarke pulled back and moved her bowl to the other side of the island. “Lexa was cooking.” The couple let out a large laugh. Her voice wavered and she had to cough before she was confident again. “And the bacon ended up looking more like charcoal.” Lexa glared at Clarke before chuckling. An awkwardness hung between the two.

Raven spoke up instantly. “All right game plan for the day. It’s Saturday right?” Everyone nodded. “Good. Party day at Bellamy and Echo’s place!”

“I’m sorry? Party day?” Clarke spoke with a mouthful of Rice Krispies.

“Don’t worry. It’s just Lunch and some board games until like 5. The whole group won't be available until then.” Raven took a piece of Octavia’s muffin that she pulled out of the pantry.

“The whole group? You mean it's not just us six?”

“Don’t worry. It’s just Monty and Miller. Jasper and Maya. Anya and Lincoln.”

“How many couples are in our group?”

The girls all smiled. “Well almost everyone. Except Anya and Lincoln. They are certified Woods siblings.”

Lexa scoffed. “She means I grew up with them and introduced them to you all after a while. Since then I have lost them to you crazy humans.” She threw a grape at Raven who caught it with her mouth.

“If it’s too overwhelming we can just chill here for the day.” Octavia offered.

“No. I want to meet everyone…again? If it gets hectic I’ll let you know and we can decide from there.”

“Sounds like a plan Stan.”

—

Lunch was fun, Bellamy and Echo made Tacos and their apartment was great. Very open, the only walls inside where the ones hiding off the two bathrooms and one bedroom. They had a whole wall with just windows, looking out on the city, they were on the 26th floor and Clarke was so glad the elevator worked.

They ended up playing monopoly and then ping pong because after a while Octavia was winning and no one wanted to inflate her ego more than necessary. Now at 5 o’clock the others showed up. First Jasper and Maya. Clarke instantly remembered Jasper but it took a moment to recall Maya. Thirty minutes later Monty and Miller, the same result. Then moments after the door closed Anya, Clarke couldn't recall her but she looked familiar. Lincoln arrived at 6 sharp, and Clarke’s memories of him popped in straight away. Most were of him and Octavia but she didn't press what happened between her memories and now.

They sat around the tv, Octavia cuddled up against Raven, Echo against Bellamy, Monty against Miller and Maya against Jasper. Anya and Lincoln sat on the floor with their heads back on the couch. Clarke took position on the floor next to the chair Lexa was sitting in. They popped in Space Balls, and then Paranormal activities 3.

Clarke was huddled under her blanket. Her eyes just barely peeking over. A rat scattered across screen and she jumped. The others all laughed and she just chuckled along with them. They focused their attention back on the screen and that's when she felt the ghost of a hand on her shoulder. She peered up to see Lexa smiling.

The brunette leaned down and whispered into her ear, “do you want to sit up here?” Clarke only nodded before scooting onto Lexa’s lap, pulling her knees to her chest and resting her head on Lexa’s shoulder.

The rest was a blur because after a few more scares Clarke started to just keep her head under her blanket and she fell asleep.

—

Lexa woke up beneath Clarke, smiling but also a hint of sadness. Clarke still felt as if they were friends. But did she? They almost kissed earlier yesterday. Or was Lexa just caught in the moment of having her Clarke back. Either way she had to play it safe so Clarke did get her memories. She shimmied from underneath the blonde onto the floor. With a thump she hit the carpet and then sat up.

Octavia and Raven were still there, Anya and Lincoln had fallen asleep on each others shoulder and Lexa could hear Bellamy and Echo in the kitchen. She stood and made her way to the table. Wiping her eyes with her palms before sitting down. A plate was placed in front of her and a glass of orange juice.

“Who would have guessed, Bellamy is good at the domestic life?” Lexa chuckled before picking up the fork and knife.

“Ha ha. I’m actually enjoying it. Echo is just, I don't know but she makes me want something like this. We both finished our last tours and now we can relax. I think I’ll look for a job after the summer, maybe Clarke needs a bouncer?”

“It’s an art gallery not a club. Why not try to work with your degree? Try writing. What else is an English major good for?”

“Please, it's useful.” He poked his eggs before taking a bite.

“Name one good use.”

He was quiet for a moment and Lexa laughed, louder than her intentions but she didn't stop. “Okay Ms. Sarcasm. Thanks for that ego boost. Any way, how is it going? You know the whole amnesia thing?”

Lexa’s jaw clenched. “Honestly. I wish it would go faster. I just miss her.”

“Yeah. It was weird seeing her afraid last night. You had gotten her so used to the horror movies we could watch anything at movie nights. It was spectacular.” He laughed and Lexa just shrugged. Continuing to eat her eggs and pancakes.

“Not only that but she actually did things on her own when you came around.” Octavia sat on Lexa’s right. Raven filled the seat across the table. Echo set down more plates, and some more with anticipation of Anya, Lincoln and Clarke.

“You mean like actually go through and purchase that gallery studio?” Echo said as she sat down.

“Best decision ever.” Raven spoke with a mouthful of eggs.

“Raven you are only saying that because she hired you.” Bellamy pointed a fork at her before smiling.

“The gallery.” Lexa said louder than she intended to. The group turned to face her as she looked up. “We should take Clarke to the gallery. Maybe she will remember something.”

“Yes! I need to finish up some lighting anyway. That's a great idea.” Raven pounded excitedly on the table.

“What’s a great idea?” Clarke yawned before sitting next to Raven.

“Do you want to go see your gallery?”

“Um, sure. I’ll text Finn to see if he wants to go.” Everyone clenched their jaws before each eating so they wouldn’t speak up. Clarke shrugged it off. “Can we go home first though so I can change?”

“Of course.”

—

They settled at home after eating breakfast and a water fight while cleaning dishes. It was so relaxing because no one seemed tense, it felt the most comfortable she has felt in days. Raven rat tailed Octavia with a wet rag and after that the kitchen erupted in chaos. Bellamy pulled the faucet out of the sink with the extendable neck and started spraying the girls. Lincoln easily backed him up with the glasses he was cleaning out.

Everyone was soaking when they go back to the car. They laid some towels from the trunk across Raven’s seat. Clarke was still tired so she put her feet across Lexa’s lap on the backseat and took a quick nap against the window. Lexa ran her hand down Clarke’s leg softly and it made falling asleep so much easier.

They went to each apartment, Lexa had to stop herself from following Clarke and went into Raven and Octavia’s.

Clarke sat against her bed and pulled out her phone:

**Clarke:** Hey babe, the group is going to my gallery. I would appreciate it if you came.

**Finn:** Is Raven or Lexa going?

**Clarke:** yes.

**Clarke:** I don't think that matters.

**Finn:** I’ll think about it but don’t expect me to show up. Murphy and the guys are going out for drinks.

**Clarke:** oh. Okay. When will you be here by tonight?

**Finn:** 10? Maybe not even tonight. It depends on how the night goes.

Clarke sighed before throwing her phone across the bed. She finished getting dress before going to Raven and Octavia’s. Before she even knocked the door opened.

Clarke’s breathe caught in her throat. Lexa had her hair in a messy but tight bun, a white halter top with a green scarf around her neck that enhanced her eyes. Black skinny jeans showed off the brunette's toned legs with white heels and a green belt. Clarke let out a shaky breathe before looking up to meet Lexa’s eyes. The green was pouring into her soul and they were so soft and kind.

“Um. I was just walking over. To um. The gallery. Done changing. Um.” Clarke ran a hand behind her neck before taking a breath.

Lexa placed her pointer finger and middle finger over her mouth before letting out the tiniest chuckle. “We were just heading over to your place to see if you were done.” She turned to call Raven and Octavia. “Clarke is ready!”

The two girls came bumbling down the hallway Raven readjusting a button on her red Henley shirt. Octavia blocking her way. “Your ass is in the way O.”

“Well if you would stop hogging the mirror we wouldn't be in this mess now give me my tooth brush!”

“Fine you big baby.”

Raven pulled a toothbrush out f her bra before chucking it down the hallway.

“This is the weirdest bunch of people I know.” Clarke shook her head before walking to leave.

—

The building was an old brick warehouse. Clarke almost cringed. It looked hideous. The red paint was fading. The area surrounding it was in the heart of the business district of Polis. All of the buildings were all pristine concrete and metal buildings. The gallery was ‘unfinished’ as Raven called it. Apparently Clarke had planned on reprinting the outside and replacing the windows. The doors were already redone, oak wood with a finish that made it shimmer. The inside was completely different and Clarke loved it.

The interior was a porcelain white. The walls were decorated with frames and cases. The inner walls made a square with breaks so people could walk through into the center. The center had a single wall straight through the middle with larger paintings on both sides. The paintings were probably Clarke's favorite part. She walked over to each on. Running her fingers over each frame and the intricate designs. The group was making their own way around the gallery. Apparently the show hadn’t been opened because of the accident and it wasn’t entirely done.

—

Lexa walked around with Anya. She had a glass of wine dancing in her fingers. And was eyeing Clarke every so often.

“This was a great idea Lex.” Anya looked at the painting of the park across from Lexa and Clarke’s apartment.

Lexa hummed her agreement before taking a sip. “I can’t believe Finn didn't show up.”

“He is falling back into old habits. We all knew he wouldn't last.” They walked to the next one. Slowly getting closer to the centerpiece.

“He is such an ass. I can’t believe it.” Anya laughed at Lexa before saying hello to Raven and Octavia.

“She seems to be enjoying herself” Raven smiled before sipping on her wine. “And she looks great.”

“That’s an understatement” Lexa scoffed. She had been mesmerized when Clarke was outside their door. She was in her black sleeveless party dress. It hugged her waist just right and the gold embroidery at the top made her eyes glow. She almost forgot to breathe until Clarke spoke.

The girls giggled like school girls towards Lexa. She glared at them before releasing her own giggle. They congregated towards the center with the painting covered by a curtain.

“Why is it hidden?” Clarke pondered grasping the cloth.

“You wanted to reveal it at the show.” Raven said almost about to turn around before hearing the fabric fall.

Clarke pulled the curtain down to reveal the painting underneath. A white background with charcoal hands. The only color came from red paint which was shaded so it appeared that blood had dried over the knuckles. Clarke almost gasped when she looked at it. Lexa simply smiled, remembering the events which led to Clarke’s urge to draw her own hands.

—

_The girls sat down around the booth at the bar. Lexa sat with her hand around Clarke’s waist and another one on her leg. Her thumb stroked it to calm Clarke’s leg from bouncing rapidly._

_“Clarke I think we are done with drinks.” She pulled the blonde’s drink out of her hand before taking a swig and placing it at the edge of the table. Clarke poured. Turning away from her conversation with Anya before placing a peck on her girlfriend’s cheek._

_“Okay but I have only had four. Let me finish this one.” She pleaded._

_“No no. You won't get up in the morning and you have a deadline.”_

_“You're kind of hot when you look out for me.”_

_“I know. Which means I'm always hot.” Lexa smirked while Clarke rested her head on Lexa’s shoulder._

_“Okay Ms. Ego. Thank you for looking out for me then.” Clarke kissed her neck before listening to the story Echo and Raven were telling about their time at the training camp yesterday._

_They all started telling stories before being interrupted by a clash of glass. Murphy stood in front of where Clarke’s glass had been._

_“Well. Would you look at that. Four lesbians and the two straights. Thanks for spilling your drink on me idiots.” Murphy patted his clothes._

_“We’re bisexual.” Clarke, Raven and Octavia spoke at the same time._

_“Whatever. Hold up.” Murphy turned around and walked away. The girls thought maybe he wouldn't come back but within a few minutes he was back._

_“Clarke!” Clarke’s jaw clenched immediately remembering the voice._

_“No. No no. Finn Collins go away. You are not going to talk to me or Raven.” Raven had turned around to face Octavia who was soothing her. If Octavia wasn’t here Clarke was sure Raven would have already been in a fight._

_“Clarke can we just talked. I’ve changed. I’m being a better person.” Murphy almost choked on his drink but contained himself._

_“I don’t care.”_

_“Clarke please.”_

_“Listen bud. You hurt Clarke two years ago. You don't know how she has changed or what’s going on in your life so just fuck off.” She almost spit out the last words and stood up. Raven and Echo behind her._

_“Who are you?” Finn glared at Lexa._

_“Her girlfriend.”_

_“Your what?” Finn looked over Lexa’s shoulder at Clarke, who was now behind Lexa with her hands around her girlfriends waist. She whispered something in her ear and Lexa just nodded._

_“My girlfriend. Of a year and a half now.” She kissed Lexa’s cheek and the girls pushed their way past them. The large group of girls walked to leave the bar. The boys had been frozen before they began following them outside._

_“Clarke! Don’t walk away from me.”_

_“Finn go away.”_

_“Don’t be a bitch. Let's at least talk.”_

_“Okay kid listen. You are talking to my girlfriend. You are not allowed to use that language near her or about her. She doesn’t want to talk so stop pushing her. Now go home or just anywhere but here.” Lexa let go of Clarke’s hand to hold Finn from walking forward anymore._

_“Stop sending your guard dog to talk for you. Clarke please.”_

_Lexa had it. He had spoken far enough but before she could get to it Raven had come up from behind and landed a punch in Finn’s gut._

_“Collins fuck off.” Raven walked off back to Octavia._

_Lexa headed towards Clarke put was stopped when she felt a sharp pain in her back. Finn had kicked her right in the small of her back and it hurt. She turned and punched him in the face. He got up and hit her back. She stood up straight, punched him in the jaw, held his shoulder before ramming her fists repeatedly into his ribs and stomach._

_“Lex! Babe! Lexa!” Clarke grabbed her arm and pulled her back a little bit. “It’s okay. I’m right here. We are all here. Your safe.” She looked down at Lexa’s hands, all bloody and bruised. She ran her fingers along the scrapes as they walked. Making Lexa almost cry by the time they were home._

_“I’m so sorry Clarke. I’m so sorry.”_

_“It’s okay. It's okay.”_

_The next morning Clarke was early to wake up and start her art. She wasn’t working on her deadline. She was working on her centerpiece for her next show._

—

Clarke was out of the gallery in a hurry. She walked down the street passing the car and making her way to the apartment. She completely forgot about the others. She blocked out their screaming to get her back she just wanted to go. The memory hit her like a truck. Finn had cheated on her and Lexa was her girlfriend. She completely lost it, the confusion made her head hurt. She planned on calling Finn, demanding answers and hopefully reconciling. 


	5. my soul moves on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes at the end :)

The wood was starting to cause her knuckles to sting but the banging persisted. It became louder as the music from inside became louder. Her hand was now slamming against the wood.

“Clarke! Clarke, we can hear your music. Please let us in and talk to us?” Lexa put her forehead against the door. She had fought with this Clarke a hundred times. She had found her way to work with this Clarke. But now, this Clarke didn’t know Lexa like her Clarke did. Her cheeks were wet with the tears that had fallen less than a minute ago.

A hand settled on her shoulder, Raven shook her head before walking to their apartment. She knocked a few more times. Her head staid against the door.

“Okay. I’ll let you think and when you are ready I’m across the hall. We're here for you Clarke. Just whenever you need us,” _me_ , was on the tip of her tongue but she swallowed it back. “We’ll be here.” She walked across the hall, looking back hoping Clarke may had opened the door. With no sign of the handle or door moving she made her way into the apartment and fell to the floor.

 

  
Clarke heard the last of the pounding. Her hands clutching her dress. She placed the back of her head against the door. At any chance, she could have opened the door. Asked any questions and received honest answers. But she couldn't. She was terrified of those answers. Finn was all she had known since she was a child. It was like finding him on top of Raven all over again. The emotions slammed into her and she was paralyzed. Her only instinct was to cry and so she did. Her knees came up to her chest and her heels came off, she couldn't help but look around the apartment. How much of this was her’s and how much was Lexa’s? Why had no one told her they were dating, why was she allowed to go home to Abby and Finn? Why was the world pushing her even more when she was already at her lowest.

With a shaky breath she stood and walked over to the couch, not being able to make it to the bedroom and not entirely wanting to. She laid down and pulled the blanket Raven and Octavia had used earlier over herself.

Her crying didn’t stop and the music didn’t help. She just felt even worse, her head was hurting but she didn’t have the strength to get any relief. She fell asleep like that, huddled in a ball and in pain.

—

“Lexa, Lexa.” Raven shook her arm. The brunette was huddled in a blanket, her head in the pillow of the couch and tears stained her face. “Lexa.” Finally the girl turned her head with one eye open to acknowledge Raven. “Hey pretty girl. It’s almost noon. Are you hungry?”

Lexa just huffed and nodded before rolling back into her corner. Raven stood up and walked to their kitchen. “Anya called. Work has been asking for you. I told them you were still recovering. You don’t have to go back yet but just know that Indra is curious how much longer you’ll be.” Raven kept rambling about work, Octavia’s gym, everything but Clarke. Lexa knew no one would speak about it unless asked about it but she was so worried. Clarke had just shut down and locked everyone out.

“Has Clarke stopped by?” She sniffled and raised her head so her eyes were just above the pillow.

“No pretty girl. Octavia thought she heard the door open and close a few times but no one knows for sure.” Raven sighed before sitting on the floor in front of Lexa and handing her the plate of scrambled eggs. Lexa started to cry again and tried to be as quiet as possible. “Ssshhh. It's okay. Hey, it’s going to be alright.”

An alarm went off and Raven got up to go grab the coffee. “Here sweetie. Sinclair called me into the shop for a bit so I’m going to stop by, do some work on the old cars then pick up dinner. O, should be home any minute now. She got Lincoln to cover her shifts.”

“Will she come back?” Lexa sniffled and ate her eggs.

“Oh Lex. Clarke is tough. She may not be in the best spot right now but she’s smart. She’ll be back to herself in just a bit. She needs time.” Raven kissed Lexa’s forehead and stood up.

“You can go if you need to. I’ll just stay here and change before Octavia gets home.”

“Okay sweetie.” Raven smiled and Lexa could see her eyes water and her cheeks shine with dry water. It must have been awful for everyone last night. No one knew why Clarke ran off. No one knew if she was safe until 12:00 am when one of the neighbors called Lexa about a noise complaint.

Raven left within a few minutes of changing. She made sure there was food prepared for O and made extra for Lexa. By the time Raven left Lexa had pushed her eggs to the side and stared at her coffee. She shut her eyes before the tears could roll in and fell asleep again.

—

_She walked into the coffee shop and the bell above the door rang. The barista’s all looked up and welcomed a new customer. This is why she loved Grounders. The atmosphere always helped her with work. She could focus and everyone knew the customers and employees by first names. It was a mini family in Lexa’s opinion._

_She smiled and took her usual seat by the window, a young woman in an apron walked over to Lexa and smiled. “The usual, Lex?”_

_She looked up from her writing and smiled. The dirty blonde hair of the woman was in an intricate braid and fell behind her ears._

_“Yes. Thank you Echo.” She began to pull out her wallet and Echo walked away before she could pay._

_Her eyes darted back to her work. An exposé on the military recruits at Polis University. She looked over the note she had jotted down from her friend Raven and quickly began her piece. Echo came back and dropped off the hot chocolate and a bagel with bacon, Gouda and egg. A small thank you and your welcome was exchanged before Echo was off to another customer._

_Lexa finished up an hour before the paper was due. She finished her drink and food before leaving with her work. If she could turn this in now she wouldn’t have to sit in class and listen to the teacher’s lecture on how journalism was more than just fact vs. opinion. ‘It was about the raw feeling a writer puts into their work.’ Lexa could hear the teacher talking and she rolled her eyes. That’s when she caught the fluttering of paper on the corner of the street. She shoved her work into her satchel and rushed to go pick it up. She grabbed the work and shuffled it together. Took a quick look around and saw a blonde kneeling on the side walk. Grasping for papers and each time she grabbed one two flew away._

_She worked to grab some more before kneeling down in front of the blonde. “You know, papers are more useful when not floating about the sky.” She smirked as the blonde looked up. Okay what the hell Lexa, she was not this flirtatious. She barely even liked talking to people unless it was Raven or Echo. The blonde’s eyes were a piercing blue and Lexa’s smirked wavered before she coughed and regained herself._

_“Yeah, who would've thought.” The blonde seemed a little irritated and Lexa didn’t feel like pressing. She handed the blonde the last of her papers and stood up to walk away. “I’m sorry it’s just I'm 20 minutes late for my deadline and If I don't turn this in I won't be able to even come close to a passing grade.” She huffed and put her papers into a folder and tightened her grip._

_“That’s okay I get it. I have to get my final report to my professor. But I have about an hour to do it. I’m assuming you go to Polis?” The blonde nodded her head and Lexa continued. “My car is right around the corner. I could drop you off and you would only be about 10 minutes later.”_

_“Really?” Lexa nodded. “Jesus, you’re a life saver.”_

_“Please no reason to call me Jesus. Lexa will do.” She smirked as the blonde rolled her eyes._

_“Ha ha. Very funny. Nice to meet you Lexa. I’m Clarke.”_

_“Clarke.” She smiled and they walked on._

—

“Finn. Please the truth damnit!” Clarke was beyond frustrated and she was getting no where.

_“Clarke. Are you sure?”_ His voice crackled on the line.

“Finn. For the love of god stop babying me. You didn't even show up when I texted that I needed you. You didn't go to the gallery. Hanging with the guys? Why is that more important than my possible recovery?”

_“I slept with Raven for six months. You left for Polis. I fell into awful habits. I slept around a lot and drank so much. Then I don't know but something snapped one day and I tried to change. And I did for awhile. I saw you that night at the bar and thought, this was my chance. I can get you back. But you looked at me like I was the devil.”_ He paused. And it was enough for Clarke to be furious.

“So you fought my girlfriend. Followed me around. Pushed and pried at Raven so much that you nearly brought her relationship with Octavia into a massive shit show.” She was starting to tear up again. Her voice wavered but she pressed on. “You had a chance Finn. I waited for you to apologize or do something. I was so irritated at you I almost ruined everything with Lexa. She is one of the best things that has ever happened to me and you would have rather stolen me through this phase of amnesia than move on. That is low.” Clarke stopped. Wiping her eyes.

_“I love you Clarke.”_ Finn spoke softly through the phone. Clarke knew he was grasping at some sort of apology.

“Fuck you Finn Collins. Fuck you.” She threw her phone across the room and heard it shatter against the wall. She fell to the floor, more sobs escaping. She had gotten the energy to leave about three times but never made it farther than the parking lot.

Her breathe was still shaky and she didn't have the energy to stand up. So she laid back on the floor. Her eye lids were heavy and she was so close to sleep before she heard a banging and her head rolled to the side and she tried to ignore it. But then the noise started.

“Clarke. Griffin. Please open the damn door. Griff. Griff Graff. Clarkey.” Raven knocked on the door and continued to talk. “Clarke. It’s just me. I have some food. It's been three days. I haven't heard anything from your apartment. You can't live without food.”

“It’s been unlocked since I got back.” Clarke rolled over to the couch as Raven walked in and closed the door.

“Clarke. You haven't let anyone in. You haven't eaten. It doesn’t smell like you’ve showered. Why won't you let anyone in?”

“I’ve just gone through being cheated on and broken up with all over again. And apparently I have a girlfriend since the middle of freshman year of college. You apparently are the person who my boyfriend cheated on me with. How are we even friends?” Clarke sat up and she glared at a Raven.

“You were late for your first final of the semester. Lexa had given you a ride and then you two exchanged numbers or some bullshit. Any way. She took you out for drinks with us one night. I didn't realize it was the same blonde from Finn until you were talking about how your boyfriend cheated on you. And I got up and left. Lexa was going to come after I assume but you came instead. You talked to me. We explained how there were no hard feelings, we went back in for drinks. I don’t know it just sort of settled between them. Bonding over mutual hate I guess.” She pulled out the Chinese food from the bag. Handing chopstick and a box to Clarke before sitting across the couch.

“That sounds,” she huffed and shook her head. “awful. For both of us. I'm sorry Raven.”

“Sorry? I slept with your boyfriend. I should apologize.”

“But you didn't know he had a girlfriend. And I’m sure you already a thousand times in the past.”

“Yes I did but now is not the time. Let’s eat.” They say in silence for a while. Clarke’s stomach thanking her for finally feeding it. Then Clarke had more questions.

“Can you explain our whole group?” Clarke asked in between noodles.

“Sure. Um. Let’s see where to begin. Oh okay. So this old thing.” She knocked on her brace. “Before you met Lexa. The first semester was going great. I was getting my degree in mechanical engineering, but then money fell out so I took up boot camp. That’s where I met Echo. We would go to her work at Grounders Cafe after a while and hang out, chat. Then I met Lexa. She would go there every day to write. That’s where she met you but we’ll get to that.” She smiled and was about to continue.

“I remember that. I was loosing my papers everywhere. She offered to drive me to class so I wasn’t later than necessary.” Clarke looked down at her food and smiled, proud that she could recall that memory.

“Awesome! You remember! Awesome.” She smiled and stared at Clarke until they made eye contact. “Oh right. Right right. Um. Echo and I finished boot camp at the end of first semester. We actually both liked it so we decided to keep going. First tour we were defusing a bomb. But it was a decoy. Our troop got ambushed. Our truck flipped. I got shot. Bullet stuck in my spine, lost feeling in the old leg. Came back they discharged me but still paid for me to finish my degree. Echo did three more tours. On her second one she met Bellamy. When she got back she introduced us, you were already apart of the group and introduced us to Octavia who was with Lincoln who knew Lexa from their childhood. Bellamy came out for drinks one night and fucking lost it seeing you and Octavia. Oh my god especially Octavia. Echo and Bell had a couple months off until they were being shipped out so we all went out for drinks each Friday. Saturday was movie and party day because we usually all too hung over for anything but staying home. Lincoln got a job offer in Seattle so he moved. The lovebirds thought they could survive. And they did. But Octavia started work at a gym and was working on her degree at the same time. They split on good terms, promising to be friends. Octavia and I just sort of happened I guess. I started going to her gym because my doctor said exercise would be good for me. Fast forward six years and here we are.” She shrugged her shoulders and motioned around the apartment.

Clarke tried processing all of it and her head started to hurt. “I think I need to take a nap.” She said and Raven nodded.

“Remember to take a shower princess.” She planted a soft kiss to Clarke's forehead.

For the first time in three days Clarke walked to her bedroom. She planted herself on the bed and fell asleep.

—

Octavia had been called back into work and Raven was grabbing groceries. Lexa sat in the guest bedroom and shuffled through the clothing. Absolutely nothing. She had nothing to run in. Nothing to exercise in. She cursed to herself before having one of the stupidest decisions ever form in her head. She left the guest bedroom and walked out of the apartment. She approached the door directly across and knocked. She heard no response. Raven had said Clarke was taking a nap but the door was unlocked. Lexa opened the door and took a quiet step into her apartment. There was Chinese food boxes thrown on the table, the blanket that say on the couch was Ruffles and thrown across the carpet. Clarke was probably having the worst three days and there was nothing Lexa could do.

She walked towards the bedroom, the door was already open so she walked in. Seeing Clarke on the bed and curled into Lexa’s pillow, she sighed before walking to the closet. Her running gear was on the floor next to her running shoes. She picked up the shoes and walked out of the closet. Her hands pulled off the shorts and pulled her shirt over her head. The dresser next to the wardrobe contained her sports bras so she quickly grabbed one and undid her current bra. Slipping the sports one above it and pausing as she heard a cough from the bed.

“Hi.” Clarke said weakly, sleep or something entirely still surround her voice.

“Oh. I’m sorry. I thought you were asleep. I was just going to go for a run but I forgot to grab my shoes and clothing when Raven and Octavia said you were coming back to the apartment.” She was rambling and Clarke seemed to notice, a smirked played on the blonde’s face. Lexa thought she was going to pass out. That was the smirk of the Clarke she knew. Her Clarke. Then it was gone as Clarke sat herself up and went back into her shell.

“It’s fine. It’s almost dark are you sure you should be running?” Clarke questioned while she pulled the blanket over her legs.

“Nah, it's just a little dark nothing to worry about. Besides Reyes and the Blakes want to go for drinks and I usually get food when we go so I need to run off some calories before I start stuffing my face with food.” She chuckled and Clarke just looked at her with an eyebrow raised in question.

“I wish I had calories to burn. I haven't eaten in three days. The Chinese food Raven brought was the first food I had.” She smiled but it was faint, pain in her voice while speaking the truth.

“Yeah me too.” Lexa mumbled as she fiddled with the running shirt in her hands.

They staid there in uncomfortable silence before Lexa realized she was waiting for a conversation that probably wouldn’t happen. _Where did we meet? How long have we lived together?_ But alas it was just quiet.

“Well. I’m going to go for my run. I’ll stop by before we go for drinks and see if you want to go.” There was no smile just constant nods after every word.

Clarke nodded in response. “Have a good run Lex.”

“Thanks Clarke.” Lexa’s voice caught in her throat when Clarke used her nickname. Everyone said it at least once but Clarke was the first one who used it more frequently. The others used it when they were concerned.

 

  
Clarke got up after Lexa left. The woman didn't even put we shirt on when they were in silence. But Clarke didn't feel awkward. She was more uncomfortable by the way Lexa’s voice kept shaking.

Pushing the thoughts aside, Clarke grabbed some clothes from the closet and went to take a shower. The warm water trailing down her back feeling like fire. That only served to remind Clarke of the way Lexa’s fingers ignited her skin the day of the gallery. Her breath became shaky and she let the warm water continue to burn her skin. Maybe this wouldn’t be this difficult if she had just kissed Lexa that morning? Or if she just forgave her mom? _No_. She wouldn’t forgive her mom. She _couldn't_.

She finished taking her shower after minutes of just thoughts of What if’s and maybes. By the time she had her heels on Lexa knocked on her door. She walked, tugging the last strap of her heel when she opened the door.

Lexa’s hair was in intricate braids that ran down her back and tugged behind her ears. She had minimal makeup but still looked gorgeous, the black tight jeans and a white sleeveless blouse maid her toned legs and arms pop. There was a leather jacket tossed over her shoulder and instead of heels she wore high tops.

“Wow.” Clarke’s mouth was agape and Lexa moved her fingers to close it. She swallowed as Lexa’s thumb strayed on her chin. “I mean, you look gorgeous.” Clarke’s words wavered and constantly got caught in her throat.

“Thank you, Clarke.” Lexa looked over Clarke, she had a strapless lace dress that hugged her figure in all the right places. Lexa bit her lip, Clarke’s hair was let down as it usually is when they go out but it was parted to the side and the longer Lexa looked without speaking Clarke ran her hand through her blonde locks more frequently. It was intoxicating. “You look,” she took in a breath. “Wow. You look amazing.”

Clarke’s face was flushed and she brought her hands away from her hair and to her front. Lexa leaned down and placed a kiss on the girls cheek and Clarke became even more flushed. They walked out of the building as they always had. Hand in hand. Clarke thought she could get used to this, even if her memories never came back. Lexa was comforting, a place of peace in the storm that had been going on for days. Bellamy had his van out front with Raven and Octavia already inside.

“Alright ladies we just need to pick up Echo and we will be good to go.” Clarke and Lexa nodded as they shifted into the back seat. Octavia and Raven slid to the seats next to them. Clarke was pressed up against Lexa and was uncomfortable for a moment until Lexa slid a hand around her waist and made more room for her. They settled down and drove to pick Echo up from the base.

 

They stopped at the bar and all hopped out. The bartender shouted his hello and they found a booth in the back. Clarke wanted to share stories so everyone started to spew out words at once. She laughed until her friends figures themselves out. Going back and forth of their accounts of the same stories. Clarke was shocked when she could add in information. She was remembering some of this world and was proud. Everyone else seemed to be shocked and proud to. They sat down and continued drinking for another hour before Bellamy and Echo went to dance.

“I don't get how he can deal with five girls constantly.” Clarke smirked and leaned back into her seat.

“Raven has at least enough ego for six guys so that probably helps.” Octavia smiled at her girlfriend.

“And Octavia’s personality is big enough for thirty.” Raven shot back.

“Oh really.”

“Really.”

“Get a room!” Lexa shouted over the music and they all bursted into laughter.

With the laughter they eventually did go up and dance. Clarke and Lexa were left alone at the booth. ‘Holding down the fort’ as Raven called it. They chatted and Lexa answered as many of Clarke’s questions as she could.

“So wait. I spilled your wine on your shirt, went to go wash it off and in doing so spilt my wine on your shirt as well.” Clarke let out a boisterous laugh.

“Yeah I don't know how but it was the worst second date ever.” Lexa laughed and took a sip of beer.

“Second? How did we go from an awful second to this?” She motioned around her.

“As you would say, third time’s the charm.” Lexa smirked.

“Oh would I.”

“Yes you would.” Clarke just began to notice their proximity, their breathing intertwining like their hands on the table. “Clarke.” Lexa whispered.

“Third time’s the charm.” She leaned in and Lexa met her half way. It was slow and passionate and everything Clarke dreamed of when she pictured kissing the person she would spend the rest of her life with. Their lips were soft agains each other, a quick swipe of a tongue across her lip made Clarke open her mouth a bit. Lexa began to explore the interior of Clarke’s mouth, a moan escaped the blonde’s lips. Lexa pulled back only to turn her head, brushing Clarke's nose and moving in again. Clarke pulled back farther. Her hand on Lexa’s heart.

“I'm sorry Lexa. I didn’t know what I was doing.” She sighed. That was a lie. She knew what she was doing and wanted to do it but she still was figuring everything out. No matter how good it felt she couldn’t give in. She still didn't know what was going on in her own mind.

Lexa just nodded, squeezing Clarke's hand lightly. “That’s okay. I’ll always be here. I can wait.”

“I just don't want to rush into this, I know we’re dating but I don't know that. You know? I remember parts of it but I just don't feel like we are.” She kept rambling and Lexa stood up and took Clarke’s hand.

“I understand Clarke. Let’s dance.” They walked to the dance floor. Finding their friends all tangled in each other.

Lexa spun her around and then took her hips in her hands. They swayed back and forth as the songs slowed. Clarke’s head resting on Lexa’s shoulder. Rubbing her forehead into the crook of the brunette’s neck.

“You still smell like sweat.” Clarke chuckled when Lexa smiled.

“Well. Maybe next time I go for a run you will come with me and we can smell like sweat together.” Clarke smiled.

“Yeah. Maybe I will.”

“Good. I would like that.”

They swayed in silence for the rest of the night.

—

Clarke pulled Lexa along the hallway and to Raven and Octavia’s apartment. The other brunette’s were trying their hardest to get up the stairs. They ended up in front of Clarke and Lexa due to Lexa’s stumble at on of the stairs. When they finally reached the door Clarke was exhausted. She helped Lexa to the room she was at. Lexa fell on top of the bed and sighed in relief.

“Comfy.” The brunette mumbled and curled into the pillow.

“Good. Great. Goodnight Lexa.” She was about to leave but Lexa kept mumbling her name and patting the spot next to her.

“Can you stay with me until I fall asleep? I haven't been sleeping well. It’s weird.” Clarke swallowed but nodded. She laid in front of Lexa and Lexa stretched a hand around her waist, pulling Clarke’s back to her front. The brunette’s chin resting on the blonde's shoulder. Clarke sighed and fell into a comfortable position on the bed.

After a few moments, Clarke thought Lexa had fallen asleep and she could get away free but the door to the room opened. Octavia came bumbling in and fell next to Clarke. Snuggling into the blonde before Raven followed suit. Collapsing behind her girlfriend and taking up the position similar to Lexa.

She rolled her eyes in frustration. Now she wasn’t going anywhere. It didn't seem to bug her because within a few minutes she was asleep, and the room fell into silence with the four breaths all aligning similar to the others.

—

_She closed her eyes. “O are you sure?”_

_“Griffin. Calm the fuck down okay? You look gorgeous.”_

_She opened her eyes to gaze at her mirror again. The white gown flew over her hips and fell onto the floor with a flow and delicacy. Her hair was tied back in braids that Octavia helped with. The intricate designs framed her face and she looked regal. The gown was sleeveless and she was now feeling the cold air within the room. She shuddered and Octavia came to grasp her shoulders. Her gown was a velvet red and she had her hair in a bun with flowers in her bun’s rim. They both smiled in the mirror and Clarke was back in confidence and strength._

_A knock on the door and she turned. Raven walked in, looking almost identical to Octavia but her hair was in curls instead of a bun. She still had flowers running down her waves and Clarke was nervous again._

_“Ten more minutes.” Raven took a place next to Octavia and hugged her waist._

_“Oh god. I don't know. What if I fall? What if it ends in disaster? What if she realizes this is a mistake?” Her heart was racing._

_“Okay Griff. Look at me.” Raven turned her away from the mirror. “Do you love her?” She nodded. “Do you want to do this?” She nodded. “Great. Then absolutely nothing can go wrong.”_

_She breathed heavily and nodded. She was over reacting. “I’ve got this.”_

_“Good!” Octavia checked the clock. “Because we need to go.”_

_“Oh god.” They rushed out and laughed. Flowers being handed to her by Raven, she nodded a thank you and stopped at the door. She took a deep breath and looked at Bellamy who smiled and took her arm. This should be her dad. But she knew he was watching. Raven and Octavia took up behind her and Echo with Anya behind them. The door opened and the music that filled the room caused everyone to turn and face her. But she was only focused on the one face she cared about._

_She walked on. The music pacing her. There was no going back, and at that moment she didn’t care. All she could see was the green and brown and white. The woman’s features were shining. Her white gown was tighter than Clarke’s but still fit her perfectly. She had flowers falling from her intricate braids and her arms showed the marvelous tattoo on her biceps. The light makeup that she had applied made her eyes shine from across the aisle._

_By the time she noticed they were in the front all nerves had dissipated. She stood feet away from Lexa and she couldn’t be happier. Raven, Octavia and Bellamy lined up behind her, Anya, Lincoln and Echo were behind Lexa. Octavia took her bouquet and Clarke looked at Lexa, their hands intertwined._

_Clarke listened but everything was faded. All she heard was her breathing mixing with Lexa’s. She turned to face the audience. It was incredibly small and that’s the way they wanted it. Some old family friends and some new ones. She looked to her side of the ceremony. Everyone she had invited was there. Except for one. Her mom had not shown and it stung. She knew they hadn't talked but she didn't even appear to her wedding._

_Clarke sighed before looking back at Lexa, the green eyes reassuring her that all was well. She couldn't contain her smile further. Then she was brought back to reality as the noise was clear._

_“And your vows.”_

_Lexa looked at Clarke and smiled. “Clarke Griffin. I swear to fealty to you. I vow to treat your needs as my own. And your family as my own.” She looks over to Octavia and Bellamy who had quickly become Clarke’s family when they were young and now were Lexa’s. “I vow to love you at your lowest and your highest. To forever make decisions together and hold you forever. I vow to be there for you no matter the cost. And most importantly. Clarke, I vow to never let you go. To let you know every day how much I love you.”_

_Clarke was tearing up and she smiled. It was her turn and she didn’t think she could top that. “Alexandria Woods.” Lexa smiled even though she hated that name and that’s when Clarke knew that no matter what she would do anything to keep her happy. She changed her vows on the spot. “I vow that no matter the pain, no matter how many fights we have, no matter the cost you will always be happy. You will always have a home with me. I vow that you are my everything, my dream come true. I vow that through thick and thin, you will be safe. That I will always be there. I vow to never give up on you. And more importantly. I vow to never stop loving you, to never forget you, and to never stop fighting for you.”_

_Octavia pulled out the ring on queue. Clarke held the ring in her hand. A silver band. It looked so normal. But on the inside, forever available for only the skin and the eyes of Lexa was engraved_ My Greatest Strength _. Lexa held out her hand and Clarke slid the ring gently on her finger. Twisting it around her finger before Lexa slid away to retrieve Clarke’s ring._

_A silver band so simply and yet so intricate, the inside was engraved with_ My Biggest Weakness _. She slid it onto Clarke’s finger and held it there. Twisting it in her fingers._

_“You may now kiss the bride.”_

_Lexa leaned in and grasped Clarke’s cheek. Clarke met her half way, her hand on her wife’s waist. The brunette’s lips were tender, the kiss even more so. Her bottom lip fitting perfectly in between Clarke’s two lips. They pulled away at the sound of clapping and hollers._

_“Let’s make this a first time’s the charm type of event.” Lexa whispered in her ear._

_Clarke smiled and they walked down the steps. “I like the sound of that.” She kissed her cheek and they stopped just outside the church. Clarke entered the old Ford Mustang that Raven had gotten them. She turned back and Everyone was smiling, waving and clapping. She tossed the bouquet out the window as she had seen done so many times in movies and watched as it fell into the hands of the two brunette's. Octavia blushing as Raven pulled her in for a kiss._

_The car started and they drove off. The sound of the engine becoming dull._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. And of course I had to make Lexa's vows based off of this weeks episode. 
> 
> Title from Grounder Anthem (Take a Life With Me) by Julia Dominczak. 
> 
> Have a great day — @ thecowardsway on tumblr


	6. Rude awakenings, Happy beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title says it all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes at the end :)

The absence of warmth and the cool breeze hit Lexa at once and her arms ran with goosebumps. She opened her eyes and regretted doing so as her head begun to sting and spin. After a few seconds of closed eyes and rubbing her temples she looked around, she was alone on the bed and the blankets had fallen off onto the floor. As her feet hit the floor the cool tile sent shivers through her body and up her spine. The clothes from last night becoming uncomfortable for morning activities, she tossed her shirt and pants aside before throwing on an oversized baseball tee. She opened the door before closing it behind her and making her way through the small hallway to the kitchen. Raven and Octavia were sitting at the kitchen counter with their heads in their hands and rarely touching the food in front of them.

“Everything alright?” Lexa said as she sat at one of the island bar stools.

“Oh yes. Just peachy.” Octavia stood and tossed her cereal into the sink with force. She leaned against the counter and released a breath. “I’m going to take a walk.”

“Babe, come on she was just upset.” Raven tried to approach her girlfriend but was waved off. She huffed and sat back down next to Lexa.

“What is going on?” Lexa took some sips of the water left in front of her.

“Clarke remembers. Clarke remembers but it's the other Clarke. It's the Clarke before you two became close, before we all had a best friend. That Clarke.” She sighed and pushed her bowl aside. “She is an asshole and she has every right to be mad but she took it to far.”

“I’ll go speak to her. It was my idea for us to not speak of the marriage.”

“No. You are the last person she wants to see. She made that clear. Just give her time. I don't know who she is going to go to for help but she has made it clear that it is none of us.”

Lexa sighed and decided not to press. She walked back to the room and sat on her bed before throwing her head back into the pillow.

—

_She woke in a cold sweat and her heart racing. The bed was empty beside Lexa to her right. She shuffled away before standing up, her hand on her forehead and the other on her hip. Her head shook violently as she grabbed her things and walked to leave the room. She was almost close to the apartment door but was stopped by Raven shouting her name._

_“Clarke, we made breakfast!” Raven smiled at the smiley face bacon in the frying pan._

_“I'm fine.” She spit the words out and walked closer to the door, her jaw clenched._

_“Hey what's going on?” Raven tilted her head as she flipped the pancake in the pan._

_“What’s going on? What’s going on!” She shouted a bit louder than intended. “When did you decide that not telling me I'm married is a good idea? Were you ever going to tell me or just hope my memory came back? Did any of you think that maybe me knowing I'm married would help me? No. None of you thought.” Raven was about to speak but Clarke put her finger up in warning. “You are supposed to be my best friend. So then why the fuck have you all been lying to me?”_

_“Clarke it just wasn’t the right time. We didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” Octavia spoke up as she put her fork down._

_“Well. I am uncomfortable. I have been blowing up and behaving like an ass around her. And what if it would have helped?”_

_“We didn't want to make you uncomfortable, all you remembered was Finn. Did you want us to drop ‘hey by the way your married to Lexa, Finn cheated on you, your dad died, you stopped college to become a free lance artist, you also own an art gallery that needs to open soon or we will be in debt?” Raven dropped the pan and leaned over, she was furious as she looked at Clarke._

_“Why don’t you worry about your own love life and ask yourself why you have had an engagement ring in your fucking toolbox for a year!” Clarke shouted and Octavia stopped eating to look at Raven curiously._

_“Get the fuck out Griffin. Get the fuck out!” Raven screamed at her as the blonde walked to the door and left._

_“Tell Lexa that she can go fuck off.”_

_The two brunette's looked at each other in silence._

—

Clarke sat in her room and began to sob into her shirt. She looked around and wondered again how much was hers and how much was Lexa’s. She was more furious the more she thought. Her heart was racing and her anger was vibrating in her blood. She started grabbing things and throwing them at the ground, the wall, and on the bed. The sound of the door opening and closing took her out of the state of rage she was in.

“Clarke?” The soft tone of voice came from the front room.

She wiped her eyes and walked out of the room. Bellamy stood in the living room as he looked around.

“Hey princess.” He walked over to her with his arms out. She fell into it and began sobbing into his shirt.

“You knew?” She looked up and heard the soft ‘yeah’ come from his lips. “Everyone knew, no one told me. And if I never remembered? You all were just going to let me forget about her. How could you?”

“Princess.” He walked with her to the couch and sat down with her. “You were not in a good place. Your last memory was from high school. That was years ago. At the time it was the smartest idea. I guess we never just had a moment to sit down after you remembered dating Lexa.”

“But. I have a right to know.” She sniffled.

“Yeah you do princess. Even though you have a right do you at least see why we didn’t want to tell you.” Bellamy looked at her and began rubbing her arm.

“Well. Yes I see. I'm just so mad that no one told me.”

“You may be mad but that gave you no right to oust Raven’s plan on proposing. She needs time. She knows she wants to marry O, but she just doesn’t know when a good time will be.”

“Oh my god. I'm awful.” She put her head in her hands.

“Yes and that doesn't matter. It's almost noon and you have done nothing but mope around.”

“I should apologize.”

“Yes you should.”

“Oh my god Lex.”

“Yes her too. Also you should probably sit down and talk to each other.”

“She probably hates me.”

“That girl loves you so much. She doesn't hate you, probably never will.”

She looked at Bellamy and nodded. Giving him a hug before settling on the couch and turning the tv on. She would talk to the brunette’s at the end of day.

—

Lexa, Raven and Octavia sat at the counter of the bar and we're talking for awhile. Octavia later got called in for a late shift at work and left the two.

Lexa ran her pointer finger around the rim of the glass. “So Clarke really just ousted your plan of proposing to Octavia?”

Raven just nodded, her jaw clenching. She took a swig of the beer in front of her before talking to Lexa. “She was just pissed. It was a real dick move of her but she was pissed. Bellamy talked to her and calmed her down. He said she might try talking to us by the end of the day. I texted her that we would be here.”

Lexa nodded before stretching out. “I’m going to go for a walk around the block. I’ll be back before we leave.” Raven just shrugged her shoulders and with that Lexa left.

She walked out of the building and hugged herself as the cold night air hit her skin. She needed to think without the loud bass pounding in her ears. The ear buds in her pocket were the first thing she pulled out as she began her walk. Her head was looking to the ground as she listened to a calmer classical playlist on her phone. Her thumb skid over the playlist marked for Clarke’s boredom. She sighed and put her phone in her pocket as she started the first song.

She walked for a few uninterrupted minutes until her arm collided with another.

“Hey can you wa— Costia. Hi.” She pulled her earbuds out and paused the song. Smiling at the old friend.

“Wow Lexa. If it was anyone else I might have ripped their head off.” Costia smiled, her curled brown hair falling from her shoulder and her hazel eyes glistening as she looked at Lexa.

“Well, how considerate of you.” Lexa smiled and put her hands in her pockets.

“Very.” She leaned to one side and smirked. “How is your blonde friend, um, Clarke!” She snapped her fingers when she remembered the name.

“She’s been better. We got into an accident and she had amnesia a for a while. She’s getting some things back but it’s difficult.” Lexa nodded before looking back at the ground.

“Well, if you ever need someone who remembers you. You know who to call.” Costia smirked. The flirting made Lexa uncomfortable so she gave a courteous smile.

“I should probably go. My friends waiting for me at the bar down the street.”

“Oh! I’m heading there right now. Maybe we can hang out. Like old times.” The way Costia said the last half made Lexa even more uncomfortable.

“Married. Sorry. And We will be leaving once I get there. But we can walk there.” Lexa gestured down the street. Costia nodded.

“If you want to be married so bad, you should probably put the ring on. You look single. Someone might think you're on the market. Might get the wrong idea.” Costia said while smirking. They were coming closer to the bar and Lexa saw Raven leaving as she approached.

“Sure.” Lexa nodded in agreement. Keeping her eyes trained on Raven as they reached the bar.

“Well. I guess I’ll see you around, Lex.” Costia punctuated the last letter of Lexa’s name and bent down towards her cheek.

“Lexa!” The brunette turned away from Costia. A blonde figure coming from behind her.

“Clarke?” Lexa looked at her but Clarke pushed between Costia and her.

“Hi Costia great to see you again. Why don’t you go away and back off my wife before I kick your ass again.” She glared as she spoke and it was scaring Lexa who only saw half of her face.

“Whatever. I was just helping Lexa. She is really hurting over you forgetting about her.” Costia gave Clarke a look and Lexa knew this was not going to end well.

“I didn't forget about her. Well I did but I remember. And that still doesn't give you a right to behave like a child. So why don’t you piss off.” Clarke’s glare intensified and Costia just scoffed and walked away.

“Clarke whatever you saw,” Lexa was interrupted by the death glare being turned on her.

“I get pissed for one day and you already get back with your ex. Wow. Great.” Clarke crossed her arms across her chest.

“Back off Griffin. You don't know what was going on.” Raven cut in between the two.

“You have no right Reyes so go away.” Clarke didn't take her eyes off of Lexa.

Lexa’s hand touched Raven’s shoulder and nodded so she knew it was fine to leave. After Raven walked away Lexa sighed and turned back to Clarke.

“Explain. Now.” Clarke leaned slightly but her glare never wavered.

“I came here with Raven and Octavia but Octavia left and I needed to think. So I took a walk. Raven staid inside to finish her drink and pay. I ran into Costia on the second time around the block. She was flirting and I knew I should have stopped her but I just decided to keep quiet and keep walking. I saw Raven and knew if anything would happen she would stop it also. So I gave one word answers but she kept talking. Then you showed up. I'm not cheating on you. I’m not running to my ex’s arms. I’m being friendly and now you know what happened.” She took a deep breath, all of that was said in on breath and her lungs hurt.

“Okay. Okay. I overreacted. But what about the not telling Clarke about being married thing.” Clarke relaxed about and her gaze softened.

“I didn't want you to be uncomfortable. I should have told you sooner and not waited for your memory. That was wrong of me. I’m sorry. If you don't feel a connection we can get a divorce and split amicably. I get it. I just want you to be ha… happy.” Clarke had begun laughing at the end and Lexa looked confused.

“I still like you Lexa. I just am frustrated and confused. I'm sorry. I just think we need to take everything slow because I still have gaps in the years. A lot of the important stuff is here,” she tapped her temple. “but I'm missing the details.”

“Okay. I get it. We’ll go at your pace. I get it. I’m sorry about the whole Costia thing.” Clarke just nodded and began walking in the direction of the apartment. “You know you are going to need to start kissing Raven’s ass if you still want a friend.”

Clarke groaned and put her arm through Lexa’s. They walked with small conversation here and there. By the time they reached the apartment Lexa had helped Clarke get details on her life.

They stood in the hallway. Lexa’s hand in Clarke’s, they looked between the rooms.

“Goodnight Clarke.” Lexa smiled and nodded as she turned away.

“You can come into the apartment.” Clarke’s words bursted from her mouth. “I mean if you want to. Half of it is yours.”

Lexa smiled. “Only if you’re comfortable with it.” Clarke gave her a nod and so the two opened the door into their apartment and walked to the bedroom. Lexa said she would take the guest bedroom, Clarke argued with her for awhile before she realized it was pointless and agreed. The two said their good nights and Lexa gave Clarke a chaste kiss on the cheek before walking down the hall.

Clarke stood in the doorway for a moment before heading to the bedroom. She would tell Lexa that her memories had come back earlier that day tomorrow. For now she was just wanting to calm down and not be so angry.

She fell asleep with the memory of their first anniversary on her mind as she dazed into a dream.

—

The violent shaking finally woke the blonde from her sleep. Her eyes stung and her cheeks felt wet, the dry throat and gasps for air did nothing to help. She put her fist up in defense and before she could jab, slender fingers ran over her knuckles and made her fingers relax.

“Clarke. You were screaming. What is going on?” Lexa knew, she had seen this in the past.

“I just had a bad dream.” Clarke’s breathing went back to normal after two long breathes. She sat up and Lexa leaned back letting her have space.

“Okay. Tell me about it.” Lexa crossed her legs and continued to rub her thumbs over Clarke’s knuckles.

“Really?” Clarke looked up in question.

“Of course.”

Clarke nodded and began to explain her dream, by the time she was done she was yawning and tired again. Lexa smiled and let Clarke fall into the pillow, she got up to move silently but the blonde rolled to face the door before speaking.

“Can you stay?” She wasn’t making eye contact with the brunette but was watching her own fingers make circles on the pillow. “You knew how to help and I think I would be more comfortable instead of being alone.”

Lexa nodded before walking back to the bed and slipping into her side. The natural feel of the apartment seemed to fall back in place for that moment. She felt like her Clarke was completely here. As if the accident never happened. And the more she felt it the more it was true. Clarke pushed her back to Lexa’s front, a hand grasping Lexa’s under the blonde’s hair. She slid her own hand onto the waist of Clarke and her head fell onto the pillow. With a quick kiss on the cheek she and the blonde fell asleep with their breathing in unison.

—

The six o’clock alarm ran and woke both girls from their sleep. Clarke launched her head in between the pillow and the bed. Lexa chuckled as she rolled over to turn her alarm clock off. She sat on the edge of the bed, her toes dangling as she waited to stand. Her arms stretched to her sides and she waited until she heard cracks and pops. The blonde turned and groaned as she got up.

“It’s Monday.” Clarke mumbled as she yawned. “Who cooks on Monday?” She licked her dry lips and Lexa stood to stretch again.

“Monday is the day we go to the café for breakfast. But we can do something else. I don’t know if Raven is wanting to go.” Lexa walked into the closet to change her clothes. She would have to stop by their friends apartment in order to pick her items up that she left.

“I’ll call her.” Clarke mumbled as she grabbed her phone. Lexa peeked from the closet and gave her a questioning look. “Or you will.” Lexa nodded and put her shirt on before walking to the phone.

She dialed the number for their friend and waited as it rang. On the fourth ring some one picked up.

_“Hello?”_ Octavia didn’t have a hint of exhaustion in her voice.

“Hey O, do you and Raven still want to do Monday breakfast or should we reschedule?” She sat down on the bed and Clarke left the room to shower.

_“We do this every week. We won't reschedule. I can get Raven to go. One sec.”_ Lexa heard Octavia’s hand cup the phone and then some muffled yelling. After a few moments the hand was removed and a clear voice came. _“Yeah. We will go. Raven wants to invite Bell though so can you get extra chairs before we get there.”_

“Yeah.” Lexa nodded even though Octavia couldn't see. The line went dead and she put the phone down and laid back on the bed. This was going to be a long breakfast.

—

Clarke was in a simple black sleeveless button up with gold buttons. Her black jeans hug her thighs and calves. The gold accessories of bracelets and a necklace accented her shirt and made her blue eyes pop.

Lexa pulled out her chair before sitting down herself. She was wearing a white blouse with black slacks. She had work after breakfast so she dressed a bit more formal than normal. She had gotten two extra chairs placed at their table.

They only sat alone for a while. Clarke trying to practice apologizing on Lexa.

“I just don't want to lose a best friend because I was being a child.” She sighed and put her head in her hands.

“It’ll be fine.” Lexa rubbed her wife’s back before she finally made eye contact with the brunette.

“I’m sorry. This must be awful. A month without memories and you have done nothing but be nice and supportive.”

“I am pretty amazing.” Lexa smirked and sat back in her chair.

“And pretty full of yourself.”

A small ding from the front door caught the girls attention. Raven and Octavia walked in and took the path between other tables before they reached the small table covered by a white table cloth. Raven pulled the chair out for Octavia before sitting down. Clarke went to speak but Raven’s hand shot up.

“You behaved like a child. Like a bitch basically. I get why you were mad though. I will forgive you but I'm still going to be mad.” She put her ands on the table and looked at the blonde.

Clarke waited a moment before speaking. “You have every right to be mad. Thank you.” Raven’s response was a quick nod before the door rung again.

Bellamy and Echo came through the door and made their way to the table. Bellamy pulling Echo’s chair before seating himself.

They were greeted by a nice waitress who took their order and brought their food swiftly.

The group ate and had pleasant conversation. The tension Clarke thought was going to appear had dissipated after a few minutes of please my conversation. She eased back into her seat and went slack. Her muscles that were tense had relaxed and Lexa’s arm fell around her chair.

—

The alarm on Lexa’s phone rang at seven o’clock. She silenced it as soon as it rang and looked at the table.

“What was that?” Octavia wiped her mouth with a napkin before leaning backwards.

“I had a conference at 7 but I pushed it to 8:30 so I can spend more time here.” She grabbed her drink and took a sip from the coffee.

“Oh shit it’s already seven. I’m going to be late for work.” She placed the napkin on the table before pushing her chair back but Raven’s hand caught her.

“I called Lincoln. He’s taking your shift today.” Raven let her hand fall as Octavia turned to face her.

“Why? I need to put in as many hours. Indra is needing a new manager. I could get that and have a better pay.” Her voice was harsher, confusion and frustration in her tone.

“I told Indra why I made Lincoln take the shift. She said it won't change your chance to get that position. And we all know you’re her favorite. So you practically have it in the bag.” Raven shrugged and continued to eat. She stopped the waitress who just passed and asked for something in a hushed tone.

“Okay but why? We aren’t doing anything today.”

The rest of the table’s attention was already pulled to the couple but now confusion was written across their face. All but Bellamy who was simply eating his bagel. Raven staid in silence.

“Hello? Reyes? Earth to Raven?” Octavia huffed in defeat and sat back down.

The waitress came back after a period of time, handing Raven a bottle of champagne and placing a tray of glasses.

“Thank you.” Raven stood. Looking at the group, winking at Bellamy and then back to Octavia. She knelt down on a knee and pulled out a small metal box. Inside was a velvet lining holding a thin band with a small diamond in the center. Octavia looked shocked and took in a sharp breath of air. “Thanks to Clarke. You already know I have had this for a while. I always contemplated on asking and when ever I thought about it I would scare myself into backing out. But thanks to Clarke. I know that I can ask and hopefully you will say yes. So. Octavia Blake. Will you marry me?”

Octavia nodded her head. She lunged at Raven and began to attack her with kisses.

The group clapped. Then Bellamy grabbed the champagne bottle before popping the cork.

Clarke leaned over and looked at Lexa. “I missed this. I missed remembering this.”

Lexa looked at Clarke and smiled. “I missed you.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Lexa kissed her and it was like breathing became easier, thinking was clearer. Her head was lighter. She could feel all the stress of the weeks disappear. As Clarke’s lips melded with her own she knew her own Clarke was back. Her wife was back and it was the greatest feeling in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Probably the last happy ending.
> 
> Have a great day — follow me on tumblr at thecowardsway


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